Three Things Authors Wish You'd Stop Doing

When I started this blog I said I'd share the experience of being an indie writer. Having been at the game two years now, I've learned there are three things that bug me intensely, and I thought I'd share them with you.

The first is how often people ask me how much money I've made from my books. I get that question from both friends and strangers at least once a week. It always strikes me as strange because usually asking someone how much money they make is considered very rude. That's been the accepted rule for as long as I can remember. For some reason, people don't understand it's no different for authors. Once it's asked, I try to give a general answer and then, because no dollar amount has been stated, the person will always ask a second time. When that happens it makes me want to ask them "How many times did you have sex last week? Oh, is that too personal? Now you know how it feels," but so far, I'm not brave enough to give that comeback. Except I kind of AM, since I'm writing it here.

There's another reason why I dislike the question. Some people ask it with a mean spirited reason: before you act all competent, whoa, hold on there, they need to assess things and make a ruling. This is exactly what many people do to a smoker who has quit the habit. "How long?" people will ask, and what they're really saying is that they doubt you. Maybe you've quit and maybe you're a big liar: they'll be the judge.

The second peeve I have involves casual acquaintences asking if I can loan them a free copy and them offering to return it after they read it. It's a product. It's for sale. One fellow writer on twitter suggested the proper response to this request is to say "Can I eat a piece of that cake you made? I'll return it when I'm done with it."

I'm STILL laughing at that one.

The third peeve: people who buy a copy and then share it with 3 or 4 of their friends. Often they do this, believing it is helpful. It just means they gave my work away for free. Some authors don't mind this--they figure it's PR. I figure it's lost royalties: you just took cash from my wallet. How pickpockety of you. The only time I'd like someone to loan their copy is if they'd loan it to an editor or bookstore owner: that would be helpful PR.

To be clear:

Loaning the book to a bookstore owner=helpful

Loaning the book to your sister, friend, coworker, spouse, bookie, hairdresser, neighbor= pickpocket

I realize these things could be difficult to hear but I'm being straightforward, telling it like it is. I'm from Seattle, so this is almost physically painful to me. In my hometown we try to avoid conflict. I think it comes from years of hiding from the rain.



Amie Ryan is the author of essay collections Green Shoes Mean I Love You, Starfish on Thursday, Secrets From The Star Jar and the Marilyn Monroe biography Marilyn: Loved By You, available at www.amieryan.com